All Is Fair in Love and War: Meaning + 8 Big Reasons Not to Agree
The phrase “All is fair in love and war” was first used by John Lyly in 1579 in his book Euphues: The Anatomy of Wit.
At first, this idea sounds practical. It feels like love and survival give people permission to break rules. But when you stop and think about it, the idea feels dangerous rather than wise.
Love and war are both intense situations but intensity does not remove responsibility. Every action still has consequences and calling something “fair” does not make it right. When this quote is taken too seriously, it can justify harm, cruelty, and wrong behavior…both in personal relationships and in bigger conflicts.
Fairness is not created by circumstances; it comes from what makes a person who they are. And that is exactly why this phrase deserves closer examination.
So before accepting this phrase as truth, it needs to be questioned. So in this post, I’ll explain everything clearly.
All is Fair in love and War Meaning
All is fair in love and war” means that when something matters too much, people stop worrying about right or wrong and only care about not losing.
Because in love and war, the main aim is to win or survive. So people stop thinking about what is fair and only look at the result. When winning or survival becomes the first priority, rules stop mattering. That is why people say all is fair in love and war.
Why We Should NOT Agree With the Quote
“All Is Fair in Love and War”
People often repeat the phrase “All is fair in love and war” as if it is wisdom.
But I disagree. Completely.
In fact, only a careless or irresponsible mind could believe this line without thinking about its consequences. Here are 8 reasons not to agree with it.
1. “Everything is fair” destroys the idea of limits
Human society survives on limits.
Morals, laws, boundaries — these are what separate humans from chaos.
If everything were fair, then nothing would be wrong.
And if nothing is wrong, then words like justice, crime and responsibility lose their meaning.
Love and war do not erase limits.
They test them.
2. Love does NOT justify cruelty
If everything were truly fair in love, then actions like harassment, emotional blackmail, forced relationships, obsessive monitoring, and physical harm could all be defended as “proof of love.”
But we reject that idea—rightly so.
Love is not possession.
And love is not control.
Love is not punishing someone because they chose differently.
When a person harms another in the name of love, it is not devotion—it is ego, entitlement, and the inability to accept rejection.
Calling such behavior “fair” does not make it right.
It only strips love of its meaning, turns harm into a crime, and leaves behind consequences that last a lifetime.
3. Love also comes with acceptance, not force
One of the hardest truths about love is this…
If it is not meant to be, it is not meant to be.
No amount of force, manipulation, or harm can change that.
Trying to do so only ruins lives — including your own. So All is not fair in love and war.
Related- How to Put a Manipulator in Their Place: 10 Best Tactics
4. War does NOT make inhuman acts acceptable
People also say all is fair in war.
But is it?
If that were true, then killing innocent children, bombing civilians and destroying families would be acceptable.
It is not.
War has rules for a reason.
Because without rules, war turns into pure barbarity.
Innocent people are not enemies.
Children are not soldiers.
Women and civilians should not be targets.
Calling these acts “fair” is an insult to humanity.
5. Violence only multiplies violence
Hatred never ends hatred.
If you behead their soldiers, they will behead yours.
If you kill their people, they will kill yours.
This cycle does not create victory — it creates endless suffering.
What goes around, comes around. Always.
6. “All is fair” is an excuse used by unethical minds
The people who truly believe this phrase are often those who want their goals at any cost.
They do not care about ethics.
Because they do not care about consequences.
They only care about winning.
So saying All is fair in love and war is absolutely unfair. And that is not intelligence.
That is moral blindness.
7. The phrase belongs to another time — not ours
This proverb comes from the sixteenth century.
We are in the twenty-first.
We have grown.
Or at least, we should have.
Blindly following old phrases without questioning them is dangerous — especially when those phrases normalize harm.
8. Think personally — and everything changes
People often accept the idea that all is fair in love and war only because the harm feels distant.
It sounds reasonable when someone else is suffering. But logic changes the moment you place yourself inside the situation as the bane of your existence. When you think personally, the Idea of “Fair” collapses, so before you justify any harmful act, pause and bring it closer to home.
If the woman being harmed were from your own family, you would never call it fair. And if the child killed in war were your own, you would reject the idea completely. If violence returned to your own home, you would demand justice—not slogans.
This leads to a simple truth, if “all is fair in love and war” feels fair only when the pain belongs to others, then it is not fair at all.
Final Words
Always remember that no victory is worth losing your humanity. Because winning is temporary but the harm caused by unfair actions is lasting. Whether in love or war, crossing moral limits never brings peace….it only creates new wounds.
So the idea that all is fair in love and war may sound practical but in reality, it leaves damage that no victory can fix.
Related- Knowing Is Half the Battle: 10 Key Reasons Why Awareness Matters
